I am ever curious about most things. Some say "curiosity killed the cat" so I reply "but satisfaction brought him back." I am a member of a society and we affirm that following certain principles will improve our attitude and outlook upon life. This is important to us because of our past individual histories concerning our actions and re-actions toward lifes situations.
The title of this blog is taken from page 84, 4th edition of a text we use. Before we explore what "love and tolerance of others" is let's get an accurate understanding just what this Big Book, the A.A. basic text is about.
Page 45, 4th edition; "We had to find a Power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well that's exactly what this book is about." end quote
So the big book is about finding a Power greater than ourselves by which we could live. Also worth mentioning is another purpose for the book. Page 20, 4th edition; " It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically." end quote
Answer WHAT questions you may ask? "What one has to do to get over drinking" - lines 8, 9 and 10 on page 20, 4th edition.
Tolerance is defined in the 1951 Thorndike Barnhart Desk Dictionary as this;
"a willingness to be tolerant and patient toward people whose opinions or ways differ from one's own" end quote
That is a pretty simple and adequate explaination. It's common sense what the "opinions" or "ways" of others would be defined as.
What exactly would we tolerate, endure, bear, permit or allow? This is where the debate might begin, sort of.
The first example that comes to mind is that no reasonable person would permit or allow another person to be abusive toward others especially physically. And sexually where rape would be involved.
The second thought that comes to mind is that the society of which I am a member relies on a change of attitude toward others, the world and God. We become familiar with such terms as "moral" and "defects of character" and "amends" and so on. In the 12 Spiritual Principles that we practice, the 12 Steps, we want to have a Spiritual Awakening, a psychic change, a profound personality change. When this occurs, our behavior becomes acceptable,orderly and needn't be tolerated.
A contributor to the Big Book, Dr. Silkworth describes an experience that many in A.A. could relate to;
"He accepted the plan outlined in this book. One year later he called to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name, and partly recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended." end quote page xxix
"He has not had a drink for many years. I see him now and then and he is a fine specimen of manhood one could wish to meet." end quote page xxx
Of course these examples seem to infer a drastic change on the outside and for some, unfortunately that is the extent of their A.A.experience. But what of the others?
In order to discuss "love and tolerance of others is our code" properly we should put it into perspective. What chapter was this phrase used in? What about it was the point?
Step Ten in the Big Book is a plan, a course of action suggested to take when the continuing selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear crop up in our daily travels and business. Unless you're a saint AND very few, if any of us are- these conditions will occur. But you should know that each individual answers only to himself about these matters. It is mentioned that we should discuss these situations with another and make any necessary amends. The TRUTH- OLD HABITS DIE HARD so making these admissions can be very, very difficult. One of the most difficult things for a human being to do is admit making a mistake or committing a harm, it's a scientific fact.
What exactly should we tolerate then?
1. I believe that when we approach a person to whom we owe an amends, we just may have to tolerate some ranting about our past behavior. That's acceptable tolerance.
2. I believe we may have to tolerate newcomers for a short period about how they conduct themselves at first, what they talk about at meetings. That's acceptable tolerance.
3. We may have to tolerate family members who have been affected by the alcoholic. Of course we have information now about steps that could be taken to help them. That's acceptable tolerance.
4. I believe we may have to tolerate each other from time to time because of opinions that differ from ours or some "ways" that differ from our own. ( This is a repeat of the definition of tolerance which I used at the beginning of this blog.)
a. Most of us realize that folks have different opinions on issues unlike our own
and for the most part, when we are all on the same page so to speak, that
difference isn't exactly harmful or much different. The approach may be.
b. What about "ways" that differ from our own?
1. A "way" is a manner, a style or a method as
the Thorndike Barnhart Desk Dictionary explains.
Now unless we are totally irrational, unrealisitic and immoral we should object AND not tolerate behavior, methods, manners or styles that are unnacceptable in that they would or do cause harm to people or a group of people as a whole.
I hear moans and groans from folks when certain people begin to "share" at a meeting simply because that persons method, manner or style is unusual. Unusual isn't necessarily harmful, however there are those who can't contain the complaint wether it's in a discussion in the parking lot with several other A.A. members after the meeting or on the phone as soon as they get home or back to work.
Yet, we know of young women newcomers who've been abused and even raped and NOTHING is said or done! As a matter of fact, people laugh when certain men talk about flirting with the new girls. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! I won't tolerate it. I won't forgive it!
There are other situations which affect A.A.as a whole and the unacceptable behavior continues.
People want to invoke the clause "principles before personalities" which is supposed to shut me or you up about who is hurting who. In other words "MIND YOUR MANNERS" - about what?, someone causing great harm? That's not what the 12th Tradition is about and that phrase, "principles before personalities" comes from that Tradition!
There's stealing of money, ego's run wild, narcotics being sold in parking lots to name a few and where are our elder statesmen and stateswomen? (not old timers because quantity doesn't always mean quality)
Why is it more important to KNOW the "book" by heart but NOT follow "God" with your heart?
I don't get it but guess what, according to YOUR program, you have to love and tolerate me.
OY, the tat2guru.
The title of this blog is taken from page 84, 4th edition of a text we use. Before we explore what "love and tolerance of others" is let's get an accurate understanding just what this Big Book, the A.A. basic text is about.
Page 45, 4th edition; "We had to find a Power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well that's exactly what this book is about." end quote
So the big book is about finding a Power greater than ourselves by which we could live. Also worth mentioning is another purpose for the book. Page 20, 4th edition; " It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically." end quote
Answer WHAT questions you may ask? "What one has to do to get over drinking" - lines 8, 9 and 10 on page 20, 4th edition.
Tolerance is defined in the 1951 Thorndike Barnhart Desk Dictionary as this;
"a willingness to be tolerant and patient toward people whose opinions or ways differ from one's own" end quote
That is a pretty simple and adequate explaination. It's common sense what the "opinions" or "ways" of others would be defined as.
What exactly would we tolerate, endure, bear, permit or allow? This is where the debate might begin, sort of.
The first example that comes to mind is that no reasonable person would permit or allow another person to be abusive toward others especially physically. And sexually where rape would be involved.
The second thought that comes to mind is that the society of which I am a member relies on a change of attitude toward others, the world and God. We become familiar with such terms as "moral" and "defects of character" and "amends" and so on. In the 12 Spiritual Principles that we practice, the 12 Steps, we want to have a Spiritual Awakening, a psychic change, a profound personality change. When this occurs, our behavior becomes acceptable,orderly and needn't be tolerated.
A contributor to the Big Book, Dr. Silkworth describes an experience that many in A.A. could relate to;
"He accepted the plan outlined in this book. One year later he called to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name, and partly recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended." end quote page xxix
"He has not had a drink for many years. I see him now and then and he is a fine specimen of manhood one could wish to meet." end quote page xxx
Of course these examples seem to infer a drastic change on the outside and for some, unfortunately that is the extent of their A.A.experience. But what of the others?
In order to discuss "love and tolerance of others is our code" properly we should put it into perspective. What chapter was this phrase used in? What about it was the point?
Step Ten in the Big Book is a plan, a course of action suggested to take when the continuing selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear crop up in our daily travels and business. Unless you're a saint AND very few, if any of us are- these conditions will occur. But you should know that each individual answers only to himself about these matters. It is mentioned that we should discuss these situations with another and make any necessary amends. The TRUTH- OLD HABITS DIE HARD so making these admissions can be very, very difficult. One of the most difficult things for a human being to do is admit making a mistake or committing a harm, it's a scientific fact.
What exactly should we tolerate then?
1. I believe that when we approach a person to whom we owe an amends, we just may have to tolerate some ranting about our past behavior. That's acceptable tolerance.
2. I believe we may have to tolerate newcomers for a short period about how they conduct themselves at first, what they talk about at meetings. That's acceptable tolerance.
3. We may have to tolerate family members who have been affected by the alcoholic. Of course we have information now about steps that could be taken to help them. That's acceptable tolerance.
4. I believe we may have to tolerate each other from time to time because of opinions that differ from ours or some "ways" that differ from our own. ( This is a repeat of the definition of tolerance which I used at the beginning of this blog.)
a. Most of us realize that folks have different opinions on issues unlike our own
and for the most part, when we are all on the same page so to speak, that
difference isn't exactly harmful or much different. The approach may be.
b. What about "ways" that differ from our own?
1. A "way" is a manner, a style or a method as
the Thorndike Barnhart Desk Dictionary explains.
Now unless we are totally irrational, unrealisitic and immoral we should object AND not tolerate behavior, methods, manners or styles that are unnacceptable in that they would or do cause harm to people or a group of people as a whole.
I hear moans and groans from folks when certain people begin to "share" at a meeting simply because that persons method, manner or style is unusual. Unusual isn't necessarily harmful, however there are those who can't contain the complaint wether it's in a discussion in the parking lot with several other A.A. members after the meeting or on the phone as soon as they get home or back to work.
Yet, we know of young women newcomers who've been abused and even raped and NOTHING is said or done! As a matter of fact, people laugh when certain men talk about flirting with the new girls. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! I won't tolerate it. I won't forgive it!
There are other situations which affect A.A.as a whole and the unacceptable behavior continues.
People want to invoke the clause "principles before personalities" which is supposed to shut me or you up about who is hurting who. In other words "MIND YOUR MANNERS" - about what?, someone causing great harm? That's not what the 12th Tradition is about and that phrase, "principles before personalities" comes from that Tradition!
There's stealing of money, ego's run wild, narcotics being sold in parking lots to name a few and where are our elder statesmen and stateswomen? (not old timers because quantity doesn't always mean quality)
Why is it more important to KNOW the "book" by heart but NOT follow "God" with your heart?
I don't get it but guess what, according to YOUR program, you have to love and tolerate me.
OY, the tat2guru.
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