Thursday, March 31, 2011

the guru said

These are special times we live in. We've been awakened, but not all. Some want to TAKE as much as they can get AND others, most of us, want to give to mankind and the world at large. To give, selflessly. To expect no reward and that is our reward.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

and principles before MY personality is the GOLDEN RULE

And so this may get controversial but then what isn't these days what with ALL the talk shows especially the 24 hour ones like CNN, Fox and MSNBC.

Allow me to start UP here and work my way down AND my fellow members will probably chuckle at the prospect "why should I climb a mountain,  just drop me off at the top thank you very much." On the other hand that is exactly what makes us unique, yes I said
"we are unique" IN THE way we look at life that is.

More OFTEN than not WE could tell you what a thing ISN'T better than what a thing IS.

My experience and yours as well may be that OUR fellowship has had its importance diminshed over the years. The fact is that the principles which we follow that have saved millions of lives, these principles got buried under a mound of personalities. These personalities TWIST the very foundation of the program - HUMILITY into a carnivorous diet of " right looks like wrong and wrong looks like right."

They trap, kill and digest the very good in MOST of us. They SUCK the spirituality out of the rest of us. Of course, what comes out the other side of them is shit!

You can tell who they are because they plain out right STINK.

ANYWAY.

"No member can be set in personal authority over another, there is no central government and only a SET of traditional principles which WE follow." (12 & 12 page 16). AND it is in these principles that we find the power to exhist and co-exhist with the world. It is in these principles that we discover a proper way to act and re-act. And it is in these principles, that MOST of us, find God - a God of our own understanding.

I sent out an email months ago talking about "the herd instinct " which is mentioned in the appendix of the Big Book. There are A FEW folks in our Society who adhere to this herd instinct principle which I DISCLAIM with  ab·hor·rence in the name of BIG ego's and CONTROL FREAKS. No-one needs be holding another member hostage hiding behind the mask of principles before personalities.

Here is that email;

Dr. Foster Kennedy, neurologist: "This organization of Alcoholics Anonymous calls
on two of the greatest reservoirs of power known to man, religion and that instinct
for association with one's fellows .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . the 'herd instinct.' "         Big Book page 569
What Does Herd Instinct Mean?
A mentality characterized by a lack of individuality, causing people to think and act like the general population.
Speaking for myself, John B. that is, I'm not so sure I can relate to this statement AND its meaning. I am an individual and I'm not going to think and act like folks who aren't, especially thinking and acting spiritual!
( 1950 Letter from Bill W.)
Page 55 "As Bill Sees It"
"Man is supposed to think and act. He wasn't made in God's image to be an automaton."
1. So what does automaton mean? -
Meaning of automaton (noun) forms:
Any living being whose actions are or appear to be involuntary or mechanical.
(google)
2. How would what I as a member of A.A. think differ from Dr. Kennedy's description of the A.A. member as 'part of the herd?' First I'm not a robot and second my actions aren't always involuntary.
3.   Continuing on page 55 of "as Bill Sees It" he writes and I agree:
   " My own formula along this line runs as follows: First, think through every situation pro and con,
(so much for you folks who say it's bad for me to think) ,
praying, meanwhile that I be not influenced by ego considerations. Affirm that I would like to do God's will.
(not what's best for me or what "I" think is right)
"Then having turned the problem over in this fashion
(so much for those who say you must run EVERYTHING by your sponsor)
and getting no conclusive or compelling answer, I wait for further guidance, which may come into the mind directly
(oh boy, you told me my mind is a bad neighborhood)
or through other people or circumstances.
"If I feel I can't wait, and still get no definite indication, I repeat the first measure several times, try to pick out the best course
(oops, he said the best course not the right course)
and then proceed to act.
I know if I'm wrong, the heavens won't fail. A lesson learned in any case." (end)
Please note; all comments in parenthesis are my own and not in the letter. It is my attempt at humor to contradict the many "acronyms" heard in the rooms.
So, in 1950 there was a departure, By founder Bill Wilson AWAY from Dr. Kennedy's herd instinct proposal from 1939.
As well, to note, Tradition One first published in 1946:
From the Twelve and Twelve, page 129-
"Does this mean, " some will anxiously ask, "that in A.A. the individual doesn't count for much? Is he to be dominated by his group and swallowed up in it?"

We may certainly answer this question with a loud "No!"  (end quote)
 
Finally, I don't take everything literally and I don't always march "with the band." That is no reason, however to disdain me or have contempt against my reasoning. Things change and we change, we change and grow- most of us AND as we change and grow we come to realize that everything is NOT always what it seems. An example is detailed above. 'herd instinct' versus man was not created to be an automaton.
Perhaps the founders realized there were folks who abused the 'herd instinct' and became controlling of indiviuals and then had their feelings hurt when their demands were rejected. Also, I will be watchful for the 'herd instinct' mentality as I read the Big Book in the future as I must respect each members individualty AND not only that- it's important that I come to understand, rerspect and appreciate that everyone grows spiritually differently and some folks who are troubled by emotional and mental disorders may only comprehend a little if any principles at all.
Who knows, but another thing I believe is Doctor Kennedy had good intentions but not foresight.



SO - what happens when things get out of control? So far- nothing.

It should be a concern to ALL members that WE are destroying ourselves from within AND to stop acting like nothing is happening. On the one hand IT IS NOT the end of the world. On the other hand it could mean the end of a person's life.
I addressed in another email that WE should not be "organized" and this organization is against Traditions and causing more harm than good. I backed up my concern with correspondence from GSO to other members who previously inquired about the ORGANIZATION dilemma.
INSTEAD OF LETTING THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY- MANY FOLKS ARE CONTENT WITH controlling WHEN AND HOW THE CHIPS ARE DEALT. God forbid if WE had to deal with a mistake or business unusual HOWEVER people want to control the fellowship. You see this in the many PETTY rules and regulations read at the beginning of our meetings. These rules and regulations are usually things that ANNOY a particular person who then gets to a business meeting and has them adopted into the format. I've seen them change from regime to regime.
I also addressed in an email that the founders DID ALLOW CROSS TALK at meetings ( based on facts) . Case in point in Tradition Two of the Twelve and Twelve when Bill W. brought up his idea to turn professional. NOT being so organized then, topics could be discussed, such as "control freaks" and problems and issues settled, or at least addressed. AND I found from my experience as well that even IF ONLY a situation is " raised " before OTHERS this is enough to quell the momentum of the force behind it. Then let it go.


No one is an elder anymore either, it's all about quantity instead of quality and I will be the first to tell you there are folks with "quantity" (time) in A.A. that I have little or no respect for. They do more harm than good AND hide behind "principles before personalities" when confronted about their behavior.


One of Bill Wilsons last remarks concerning the future of our Society was about EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY. The next frontier he called it. (research the topic A.A. -Emotional Sobriety The Next Frontier).


I feel we need an  EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY check. YOU can't deny that beneath the breath of every word spoken by SPIRITUAL OLDSTERS there is an unhappy tune about the concsiousness of our fellowship. It's been watered down. It's been hijacked. It's been molested.


OUR SOCIETY is the correct term not I'm in a program!

Society meetings are a correct description not nooner.

Members of our fellowship is correct not that drunk there.

And principles before MY personality is the GOLDEN RULE.
      

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Who is in control?

 
Who is in control?


A teacher said recently to me "so, you lose control. Did you really have control in the first place?"

The idea that we COULD control something or someone surfaced today and became easier to understand. I have to say WE cannot control someone or something and if WE think we are then it's an illusion.

For instructional purposes only let's call people, animals and plants " entities ". These entities, if you'll allow me to say that have GUIDANCE SYSTEMS. The guidance system, its nature,  propels them and causes them to grow.

We as human entities DO NOT , I suggest have in OUR POWER the ability to take over, hijack and/or remove from the destined path, THE NATURE of people, animals and plants.

Under the illusion that we can control these things, all we ever can accomplish is disruption and destruction.

What we do is impose our will, our ideas, our concepts and our motives upon mostly unwilling creatures - we strong arm them AND when we become so OVERBEARING they surrender, they become WEAK and wither and collapse and become numb and die.

When NATURE takes its course, what man or woman could control it? NONE.

AND when we alter the course of another living thing are we not disrupting and destroying the very intention of our exhistence to exhist and co-exhist in this world?

The truth is life goes on.

The truth is we can't control OUR lives.

The truth is we can't control another persons life.

The truth is we can control OURSELVES.

The truth is we can destroy others in an attempt to control them.

guru said

More preparing, less repairing.

guru said

When I PREPARE in the morning I don't REPAIR in the evening.

Friday, March 25, 2011

The guru said

What if the things that weren't supposed to happen weren't supposed to happen?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

What if reality is " the mind " of God?

This afternoon's meditation concerns reality. I am continuing this venture from yesterday's focus - heart emotion.

Is reality in the mind? Does reality exhist in the heart?

Here's a thought, even when I am not concious I AM conscious. In sleep you may call it a dream state or during waking hours a subconcious but something is always going on, ah in there if " in there " is where IT"S at!

What is IT exactly that I SEE when I am seeing things? How can I tell you that what I'm observing is real or my imagination? And if IT'S only my imagination does it count for anything?

There is power in thought, in vision and in imagination.

There is power in mind, in heart and in soul. I say power because what happens there in thought, in vision and the imagination can affect what's happening in the mind, the heart and the soul. I think of them as seperate yet they cannot be seperate but only that they exhist in ONE body. And don't all things exhists together?

I would like to know what happened before the Big Bang?

A friend of mine said the other day " I'm studying the latest findings that before the Big Bang there may have been numerable universes " and I said "that's cool, a universe that has no end next to another universe that has no end." (yeah, I can imagine that)

I don't believe that A God is watching over us with a register or a PC marking down our sins of omission and commission. If anyone says they CAN describe God that person is either a liar or God itself. I don't know either if there is only ONE God and if there have been many God's over the decades who competed against each other and the smartest or most powerful God won. If that's the case then where are the other God's? Did they retire? Are they ever sought for counsel or advice then?

I studied a book called " A History of God " by Karen Armstrong and if you haven't read it I suggest it. She comments on 4,000 years of documentation from Judaism to Christianity to Islam.

Since I believe from my studies and experience that WE are all connected, meaning this planet and ALL of it as well as the rest of what we know exhists then there may exhist a THREAD of commonality- a common consience if you will, a common heartbeat if I may. But the question then may arise - "from WHERE did this conscience or heartbeat originate?"  I'll tell you, "I don't know."

I conclude these things based on other's conclusions and thus the theory may be tainted. This doesn't mean, however that reality isn't the mind of God.

Most people agree that there is a Power, a Higher Being, A Creator, A God yet no one can accurately describe him or her or it.

But millions of people CAN'T be wrong IF and WHEN they pray to what "they believe" is the Ultimate Source, these petitions get addressed and even answered? So is there someone other than US at the controls?

I make every attempt to be fair in my judgements and of course to be as REALISITIC as possible. I cannot dismiss the facts, the documentation, the history of a Greater Life Force at the helm. I am not so SMALL that I can explain, without reservation that there is but only ONE King God the leader.The facts don't support it and so I remain an open mind until otherwise.

AND it is the open mind principle about which I write this;

" What if reality is " the mind " of God? "

We talk about God's will and OUR will. We talk about using OUR will. We talk about how OUR will doesn't always get the desired result. Then we talk about doing God's will, true?

When WE are doing OUR will are WE not conscious of it? AND if WE are conscious of it, are WE not thinking it then?

What if  WE do what WE believe is God's will then, are WE not just as conscious of it and wouldn't WE be thinking of it, God's will?

When OUR will doesn't work what would we call that IF we put it in the context of realistic or irrational?

When we seek and do the will of God are we not convinced then that this is "THE WAY" to proceed? And when we proceed on that path and in that direction aren't we suprized at the results? Could we now say that following the will of God is THE REALISITIC appoach to take? (as opposed to now what we might call our own will as unreasonable and impractical)

AND so we choose to make this conscious contact, to open up the lines of communication to God so to speak, lines that already exhist but for the initiative to THINK our way to and through them.

And we move from circumstance to circumstance- we hop from situation to situation and we navigate the portals of the life experience and we oft come to conclusions that "our ideas" aren't so bright. AND in a moment we can turn on a switch and switch, with a thought, an idea from OUR will to Gods, from what seems to be an unrealisitic experience to a pleasurable, safe and secure mindset that is God's will.

And so we move from OUR mind to the mind of God. From OUR mind- fictional, illusory, and hypothetical TO REALITY.

Namaste' the tat2guru



Wednesday, March 23, 2011

We're not as bad as we make each other out to be.

This may be the hardest blog I've ever written, from my heart it comes and from deep down in the depths of my soul. I write this after much self-searching, soul searching, prayer and meditation. Self-examination.

I wrtie this from MY perspective and from yours. As I look at YOU and you look at me. As WE look at each other.

This writing comes from joy and sadness- mine and yours. It comes from peace and trouble- mine and yours. It comes from kindness and hurt- mine and yours. It comes from healing and pain- mine and yours.

How could you love me?

How could I love you?

How could we love each other?

If I know you then you know me, if you know of me then you know of me. What is the truth? Who is to judge?

If I know YOU then I know you. If I know of you then I know of you. What is the truth? Who is to judge?

We don't live in a world that is impartial. Mostly what we know is or has been influenced, it's been subjected. The information we receive is trivialized or injected. What do we really know and how do we know it?

Many of my friends follow Spiritual Teachers. Some are from the East and some from the West, some are alive and some have passed on. To have the mind of complete impartiality is an astonishing thought, it seems incredible, it seems impossible, AND so it seems.

I wonder what it would be like to answer each question, lovingly. To approach each problem, lovingly. To act and re-act, lovingly. I want to.

I truelly believe my heart has feelings, that your heart has feelings, OUR hearts have feelings.

Maybe there are some folks who don't or can't realize the depth of the HEART emotion and I don't have a real explaination for it. Maybe some folks rely to much on what they think AND instead of letting a thought be a thought - WELL, they don't take their thoughts to heart.

I'm trying to bear my cross with LOVE. I'm trying to bear my crosses with LOVE. I am bearing my crosses with LOVE. That's the only explaination I can give for having made IT thus far. AND I apologize for falling short AND for falling at all.

I apologize for being influenced and sidetracked and injected and misguided and abused and misinformed - mostly all in the name of LOVE. Someone's interpetation of it anyway.

I understand, as well, YOUR being influenced and sidetracked and injected and misguided and abused and misinformed - mostly all in the name of LOVE. Someone's interpetation of it. AND I forgive you for falling short AND for falling at all.

If only Rodney King was sincere. Was he?

I'm reminded of a phrase someone uttered in response to all the madness in the world;

"we've been given a poision pill"

AND poisioned we are, our hearts are, our minds are- where is the LOVE? Where is the unbiased LOVE? Where is the LOVE impartial?

YOU can't CALL it LOVE if it's biased and partial anyway, could you?

It's not our nature to hate, retaliate, accuse or condemn. It's not our nature to manipulate, regulate, horrify or demean. Yet WE do it. WHY? Does it make us happy? What do we accomplish? How does mankind profit from it?

I'm alone but I'm not lonely. I can go for periods without much human contact but not for long because, not me, but my heart needs contact, human contact.

To detach from certain people hurts, especially when we care for them OR care about them AND have had their interest at heart for some time. The process concerning relationships that become turbulent has been twisted and it has been torn and it is destroying,us.

It isn't in our nature to punish, that doesn't come from the heart. That's a mind thing, the business of the mind. Punishing is a bad business to be in, no one really wins. In the end, those who punish get punished and those who've been punished stay punished. You could put it out of your mind BUT you can't remove it from your heart. You see, the mind doesn't bear scars only the heart does.

My heart was almost destroyed on July 26, 2009. It ached bad for a long time. It was attacked twice that day but hate couldn't destroy it. Sadness didn't destroy it. I survived.

What really survived me was LOVE. Love in me and LOVE for me. AND today I write this, out of LOVE and from my heart.

The road to recovery has been long and trying but it's been worth it because out the other side now I can see. I see the truth and the truth has set me free.

We're not as bad as we make each other out to be.

We're not as bad as others make us out to be.

We're not as bad as we thought we were.

We're not as bad as we were.

We're not bad at all.

I close my eyes and venture deep with every breath and beat. There is silence and peace.







The myth- " my best thinking got me here "

The myth- " my best thinking got me here "

You've heard it repeated time and time again when especially the topic turns to NOT THINKING.

And;

"your mind is a bad place to be without adult supervision" AND

" I don't go up there because it's a bad neighborhood" etc. etc. etc.

THEN we hear the oft repeated principle "your best thinking got you here."

Your best thinking? REALLY?

Let's be realistic and look at the facts;

1. Under the influence of any substance, we could honestly say one doesn't think their best.

2. Depending on our backgrounds AND the teaching of our parents or guardians we may lack certain necessary decision making skills AND we could honestly say one doesn't think their best under these conditions.

3. Some people are have "birth defects" SO we could honestly say one doesn't think their best under these conditions.

4. People have emotional and mental problems- we could honestly say one doesn't think their best under these conditions.

5. Let's stake the claim that people who use don't mature and stop maturing at a certain age do to using, we could honestly say one doesn't think their best under these conditions.

6. People have serious physical problems they never addressed properly and when in intentse pain, WHO thinks their best?

7. Compare "thinking" as a young person and as an older person- when one has less life experience would they think the same?

So, WAS IT my BEST thinking? ( as if to say I still reason and make choices in the same manner? )

Am I to be HELD HOSTAGE by your principle that I DARE never make a decision or a choice or think?

What about asking God to direct my thinking in Step 11 in the Big Book?

AND that slogan I see at meetings- THINK, THINK, THINK- what then, if I am NOT supposed to think does that mean?

AND you told me if I think about a drink that I should "THINK IT THROUGH?"

AND what about the promises, are they "poppycock" ?
(senseless talk) ;

The Promises
[PROMISES OF STEP TWO

Big Book page #25

• There is a solution.
• We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
• The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's universe.
• The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous.
• He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.

Big Book page #28:

• A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.
• Big Book page #46:
• We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him.
• To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.

Big Book page #47:

• As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.
• It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.

Big Book page #50:

• In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them.

Big Book page #55:

• Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us.

Big Book page #57:

• Even so has God restored us all to our right minds.
• But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him.
• When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!

[PROMISES OF STEP THREE]

Big Book page #63.

• More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life.
• As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter.
• We were reborn.
• an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.

Big Book page #68.

• At once, we commence to outgrow fear.

Big Book page #70.

• We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on the them as sick people.

[PROMISES OF STEP FIVE]

Big Book page #75:

• Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted.
• We can look the world in the eye.
• We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.
• Our fears fall from us.
• We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.
• We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.
• The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly.
• We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.

[PROMISES OF STEP EIGHT]

Big Book page #78:

• If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result.
• Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress..

[ PROMISES OF STEP NINE] (The famous ones)

Big Book page #83-84:

• If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
• We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
• We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
• We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
• No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
• That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
• We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
• Self-seeking will slip away.
• Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
• Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
• We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
• We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
• Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
• They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
• They will always materialize if we work for them.

[PROMISES OF STEP TEN]

Big Book page #84

• And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone -even alcohol.
• For by this time sanity will have returned.
• We will seldom be interested in liquor.
• If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.

Big Book page #84-85

• We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically.

Big Book page #85

• We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it.
• We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.
• We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.
• We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.

[PROMISES OF STEP ELEVEN]

Big Book page #86:

• we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use.
• Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

Big Book page #87 :

• What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind.
• Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

Big Book page #87-88 :

• We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions.
• We become much more efficient.
• We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

[PROMISES OF STEP TWELVE]

Big Book page #89 :

• You can help when no one else can.
• You can secure their confidence when others fail.
• Life will take on new meaning.

Big Book page #100 :

• When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned.
• Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!
• Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do.

Big Book page #102 :

• God will keep you unharmed.


Reprinted from the book Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book)
with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

So you think you KNOW everything?

I meditate upon the strangest things. It's not something I do consciously, like I don't plan about "oh, now I'm going to think about this" - it just happens most of the time.

To think is to form or conceive in the mind. Use the mind, have in the mind, have an opinion, reflect, consider (Thorndike Barnhart Desk Dict. circa 1951) AND yet I know people who think (no pun intended) it's a terrible thing to think!

Of course as I mentioned in a previous blog or two, these folks who don't "go up into the head without adult supervision" usually and continually find themselves in one predicament after the other. (You may see them scratch their head as they explain how they don't know what happened) Usually they find someone or something to blame.

O.K. getting back to "so you think you KNOW everything?" I had a vision in my mind of a person who has an answer for everything. I'm talking about the kind of individual that doesn't just have an answer but has THE answer. Do you know one?

These folks who always have THE answer are a peculiar type and usually don't have many friends, because as I have learned over the years- when you know everything your personality becomes rigid.

When you're rigid you take on a SEVERE persona and people can't stand to be around you, you become a feelingless person with no apathy or compassion or empathy. You can't render a HUMAN opinion to a conversation, you lack depth, experience and intuition. Your responses are one liners or quotes that carry depth and weight but which for you are intimidating enough that no one will challenge you. They want to, believe me but you are a manipulative creature!

When you know everything you become addicted to being depended upon - you feed on people who are weak and people who seem to NEED you. The problem is that since you lack character you wind up taking advantage of those who are looking for hope, freedom and safety. You make hostages, not friends.

The problem with knowing everything is that there comes a time when your opinion or advice is not asked for- AND YOU PANIC. NOW you "go into your mind" like a paranoid litte kid who didn't get picked for the lead part in the school play. Maybe you start to doubt your intelligence and if still you aren't getting the recognition you feel you deserve you seek out former friends or foes for that matter and convince them with sweet talk and manipulation that YOU need them. Once you get them back into your fold they become persuaded to adore you and honor you AND you become disillusioned that everybody loves you. What happens is that you are so sick and evil, these folks begin to feel sorry for you. You are euphoric on self-centered, egotistical pride. The truth is YOU love yourself and that about sums up the love thing.

But in my mind I saw you standing there, all alone. There was no one around to CHEER you on or worship you. You kind of kept spinning around to see if someone was there, but no one was. You raised your arms up into the air as if to say "why isn't anyone paying attention to me" and you turned and looked to the left then the right but still no one there. Now you place your hands on your hips. Poor me, poor you.

It's lonely at the top, no?

It's terrible being right all the time, right?

It's frustrating being a "somebody" amongst the nobody's?

And so you think you know everything.

tat2guru

"The aim of argument, or of discussion, should be not victory, but progress" [Joseph Joubert Pensées]

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Spiritual Experiences result from radical thinking;

Thorndike Barhnhart Desk Dictionary circa 1950's ;

Radical-  going to the root; fundamental. Favoring extreme changes or reforms;extreme. Person who favors extreme changes or reforms.

Reform- Improve by some alteration of form, arrangement. Change from worse to better. Cause to abandon wrong or evil ways of life or conduct, and to adopt right ones.

William James wrote a book titled "The Varieties of Religious Experience" which friends of mine have read and used to compare amd make deductions about spiritual experiences. I have studied this book as well. In the Book Alcoholics Anonymous, appendix B we will find what the founders of that society describe as a Spiritual Experience or Spiritual Awakening. The book explains that it is a personality change and it has manifested itself in the individual- apparent to the eye or mind - plain, clear.

How each person has a spiritual experience or spiritual awakening is debatable and is debated. A.A. holds to a principle that these spiritual experiences or awakenings are of the educational variety. This type of transformation would be more of the practical variety- coming from practice and repetition, if that is possible to explain further?

Anyway, how does one transform from one way to another? This answer isn't a simple one.

The first requirement would be, I feel, that the individual has come to a point in his or her life and concluded that something needs to be changed - maybe drastically. This isn't that easy since it would require an honest assessment of one's whole life and maybe the admission that there are faults, habits or sins that need to be corrected, changed or even eradicated.

Second, this procedure usually comes only after another individual who has experienced a transformation in their own life has come in contact with the one on the journey of beginning to change theirs. This meeting of the minds can take place by referral from one person to another or as it happens today by making inquiries on the internet.

Thirdly there develops between the two parties an understanding and a commitment of sorts, a commitment based on hope. Hope based on information. Information about a transformation, a change of outlook and agreements about certain things and in some cases the unbelievable has happened- a miracle.

But then from our experience, spiritually speaking we have come to rely on a daily discipline which involves prayer, meditation and self-examination. We learn that answers to every day problems present themselves through a variety of sources; other people, a sentence in a book AND by listening to God. You can add to the list.

Fourth we take this new information, couple it with a hopeful attitude and resolve to practice a different way of acting and re-acting. Through trial and error we find what works, what doesn't and maybe as time goes by- making adjustments here and there, tweaking the circuits we have built. Now we have a plan.

As was said, "the well made plans of mice and men often go awry."
( see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Of_Mice_and_Men )

My experience of late is that certain people reach a spiritual pinnacle if you will and from this mountaintop, all things below become blurry. This had a devastating effect upon me in 2001 when after 12 years of practicing spiritual principles I became self-absorbed and faded into undeniable, irresponsible behavior. For one year or so I managed to manage well and then I fell apart because no-one can hide from the truth for long. For 3 years I malingered and then was "brought" to my senses.

Continuing, should we be concerned that just because our deportment is balanced today that all will be well tomorrow, or the morrow after? When the way I act, or conduct myself and behave, when this becomes riddled with excuse making then I begin to slowly lose touch with reality.

A person who tell lies after a period of time believes themselves to be telling truth and always, always has a reason for others that justifies, in their mind, these unaccaceptable actions day after day. Unfortunately people close to the one who is "out of touch" may become so sickened by it that they resolve to themselves, sub-conciously, to protect the other person who has managed to tranform his terrible, harmful actions to look like HE is a victim!

What then?

Whatever it was that needed to be changed and had in fact undergone a transformation as a result of new information and hope and practice now dissolves and becomes an issue of no importance. "In full flight from reality" as Bill Wilson once wrote.

What , if anything, could possibly bring the wanderer from reality back into the fold of truth, honor and dignity? Who makes this possible?

The paradox is this, just as it took radical thinking to go from extreme anti-social behavior to being content and calm and realistic, it will take radical thinking to get back to contentment, calmness and realistic behavior from extreme anti-social conduct. In other words, you're going to have to admit something is wrong.

And the question needs to be asked now at this juncture, could a person be " educated " back into spiritual form or would it require an act of Divine Providence? To conclude if this is possible would require more radical thinking, if one could possibly do that.

Some folks say we "shouldn't" think so much. I think that depends on what we're thinking about?

The problem with statements like " I don't think very much, my mind is a bad beighborhood to be in" or "I don't go into my head without adult supervision" they AREN'T realisitc at all. In fact, the person who believes these to be truthful and effective is the same person WHO, because he doesn't think finds himself in one predicament after the other. AND if he is clever enough, he begins to convince others that he has done nothing to bring on such reproach, therefore the fault lies elsewhere.

AND, if he has reached that spiritual mountaintop, that pinnacle I mentioned earlier, chances are he won't face the truth and admit the train has derailed. And what is down below takes on a new personification. Those below who once saw him clearly to the top now see him as a blur, and the beacon of hope twinkles, flutters and eventually goes out.

Stop thinking and you're doomed.

That's not a radical statement.

Start thinking and reform, that's radical.


Thanks, the tat2guru





Saturday, March 5, 2011

Love and tolerance of others is our code. (Big Book page 84)

I am ever curious about most things. Some say "curiosity killed the cat" so I reply "but satisfaction brought him back." I am a member of a society and we affirm that following certain principles will improve our attitude and outlook upon life. This is important to us because of our past individual histories concerning our actions and re-actions toward lifes situations.

The title of this blog is taken from page 84, 4th edition of a text we use. Before we explore what "love and tolerance of others" is let's get an accurate understanding just what this Big Book, the A.A. basic text is about.

Page 45, 4th edition; "We had to find a Power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well that's exactly what this book is about." end quote

So the big book is about finding a Power greater than ourselves by which we could live. Also worth mentioning is another purpose for the book. Page 20, 4th edition; " It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically." end quote

Answer WHAT questions you may ask?  "What one has to do to get over drinking" - lines 8, 9 and 10 on page 20, 4th edition.

Tolerance is defined in the 1951 Thorndike Barnhart Desk Dictionary as this;

"a willingness to be tolerant and patient toward  people whose opinions or ways differ from one's own" end quote

That is a pretty simple and adequate explaination. It's common sense what the "opinions" or "ways" of others would be defined as.

What exactly would we tolerate, endure, bear, permit or allow? This is where the debate might begin, sort of.

The first example that comes to mind is that no reasonable person would permit or allow another person to be abusive toward others especially physically. And sexually where rape would be involved.

The second thought that comes to mind is that the society of which I am a member relies on a change of attitude toward others, the world and God. We become familiar with such terms as "moral" and "defects of character" and "amends" and so on.  In the 12 Spiritual Principles that we practice, the 12 Steps, we want to have a Spiritual Awakening, a psychic change, a profound personality change.  When this occurs, our behavior becomes acceptable,orderly and needn't be tolerated.

A contributor to the Big Book, Dr. Silkworth describes an experience that many in A.A. could relate to;

"He accepted the plan outlined in this book. One year later he called to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name, and partly recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended." end quote page xxix

"He has not had a drink for many years. I see him now and then and he is a fine specimen of manhood one could wish to meet." end quote page xxx

Of course these examples seem to infer a drastic change on the outside and for some, unfortunately that is the extent of their A.A.experience. But what of the others?

In order to discuss "love and tolerance of others is our code" properly we should put it into perspective. What chapter was this phrase used in? What about it was the point?

Step Ten in the Big Book is a plan, a course of action suggested to take when the continuing selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear crop up in our daily travels and business. Unless you're a saint AND very few, if any of us are- these conditions will occur. But you should know that each individual answers only to himself about these matters. It is mentioned that we should discuss these situations with another and make any necessary amends. The TRUTH- OLD HABITS DIE HARD so making these admissions can be very, very difficult. One of the most difficult things for a human being to do is admit making a mistake or committing a harm, it's a scientific fact.

What exactly should we tolerate then?

1. I believe that when we approach a person to whom we owe an amends, we just may have to tolerate some ranting about our past behavior. That's acceptable tolerance.

2. I believe we may have to tolerate newcomers for a short period about how they conduct themselves at first, what they talk about at meetings. That's acceptable tolerance.

3. We may have to tolerate family members who have been affected by the alcoholic. Of course we have information now about steps that could be taken to help them. That's acceptable tolerance.

4. I believe we may have to tolerate each other from time to time because of opinions that differ from ours or some "ways" that differ from our own. ( This is a repeat of the definition of tolerance which I used at the beginning of this blog.)

    a. Most of us realize that folks have different opinions on issues unlike our own
        and for the most part, when we are all on the same page so to speak, that
        difference isn't exactly harmful or much different. The approach may be.

    b. What about "ways" that differ from our own?

      1. A "way" is a manner, a style or a method as
          the Thorndike Barnhart Desk Dictionary explains.

Now unless we are totally irrational, unrealisitic and immoral we should object AND not tolerate behavior, methods, manners or styles that are unnacceptable in that they would or do cause harm to people or a group of people as a whole.

I hear moans and groans from folks when certain people begin to "share" at a meeting simply because that persons method, manner or style is unusual. Unusual isn't necessarily harmful, however there are those who can't contain the complaint wether it's in a discussion in the parking lot with several other A.A. members after the meeting or on the phone as soon as they get home or back to work.

Yet, we know of young women newcomers  who've been abused and even raped and NOTHING is said or done!  As a matter of fact, people laugh when certain men talk about flirting with the new girls. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! I won't tolerate it. I won't forgive it!

There are other situations which affect A.A.as a whole and the unacceptable behavior continues.

People want to invoke the clause "principles before personalities" which is supposed to shut me or you up about who is hurting who. In other words "MIND YOUR MANNERS" - about what?, someone causing great harm? That's not what the 12th Tradition is about and that phrase, "principles before personalities" comes from that Tradition!

There's stealing of money, ego's run wild, narcotics being sold in parking lots to name a few and where are our elder statesmen and stateswomen? (not old timers because quantity doesn't always mean quality)

Why is it more important to KNOW the "book" by heart but NOT follow "God" with your heart?

I don't get it but guess what, according to YOUR program, you have to love and tolerate me.

OY, the tat2guru.