I have planted with Love

I have planted seeds;

I have planted seeds of forgiveness

I have planted seeds of regret

I have planted seeds of selflessness

I have planted seeds of good deeds

I have planted seeds of great faith

I have planted seeds of endless hope

I have planted seeds of self-denial

I have planted seeds of gratitude

I have planted seeds of truth

Is this not enought then?

Have I been redeemed?

Will I ever be redeemed?

Where is honesty?

Where is honesty?

In a book?

In a movie?

On television?

What is truth if it's not found within you?

Can you find it anywhere else?

If you find it somewhere else how will you know it's the truth?

Is it your decision?

Is it truth based on what YOU say is truth?

Is truth found in a friend?

Is your friend honest?

Are you honest?

Where is honesty?

How is your conscience then?

What has cleared your conscience?

Is it clear?

How are YOU able to live with yourself?

Have you told all YOUR deep dark secrets?

Have you told about ALL the hurt YOU'VE caused?

How do you live with yourself?

Do you lie to yourself?

Are you still lying to others?

How is your conscience then?

Are you USING others as a whipping post to hide what lurks within your own soul?

Is the turmoil too much to bear yet?

When will YOU be honest?

How is your conscience then?

this has been a trying 2 weeks-

this has been a trying 2 weeks. When my spiritual advisor, Brian H. abandoned me I came to realize that this is a test. Could I gather the much needed strength from The Creator or would I succumb to feelings. I have measured myself and will " take the test"

people die when we give up on them. I'm not talking about "oh, he or she won't listen to what I say so there's nothing more I can do" or " I don't know what else to do for him or her" . I'm talking about loving a person unconditionally and offering to help any way we can. And praying and praying and praying for each other AND listening to God's voice not our own.

God bless the person who gave me "ANOTHER CHANCE" a million times over until their cup runs over. Too many times we are told "this is you last chance" and too many times we disappoint that person and use up that last chance and then we regret it but we know they've washed their hands of us. Praise the Heavens for the folks that give us our NEXT CHANCE!

what do we teach people when we hurt them, lie to them AND let them lie in this poision we've created? What do we expect others to do after we've manipulated them, co-erced them and destroyed them spiritually? How can we expect peace to exhist, love to exhist- for there to be harmony? What about admitting our faults, asking for forgiveness AND being forgiven? Why can't you set someone free with forgiveness.

I feel alone, today.

Isn't it something, how things happen at certain times? This golden sun today and the heat has me, I mean IT HAS ME.

I'm in a place, in my soul, in my heart and soul not in my mind.

I want to go home.

But the place I want to go home to isn't there anymore.

I'm tired of "things" you know, possessions because they never keep you happy for long. Lately I've been getting rid of or selling these things that have become clutter. You don't realize how things trap you until you start to let go of them, "DETATCH" I kept telling myself!

I long to have love, real love, genuine love, the love of a child- unconditional.

The only child of mine who ever loved me is gone, she has passed, she is with the ancestor's now AND I feel alone, today.

Lighten up

Some people don't know the difference between acting immature and having a sense of humor- in fact they get the two mixed up.

In doing so, their relationships struggle especially where a friend who is mature gets frustrated. Adults, especially past the age of 25 need to take stock in their behavior, their attitude and the effect they have on other people with their silliness.

We need to quit making excuses when someone confronts us about our irresponsible conversation and attitude- "lighten up" isn't the answer for us, in fact we ARE already lightened up and this is the point we wish to make to you.

say this

there are times when all we can do for a friend is remind him or her to " row, row, row your boat GENTLY down the stream"

I ask you

I ask you, do you know who your teacher is ?

I have retired from the arena . . . .

I have retired from the arena of folly, my scars do bear me out. In my later years I wish to remain balanced, steadfast and true.

I leave the malarkey behind me and charge you to be wise in your endeavors and to be bold, and to be serious.

Leave the nightawking to the hawks, those who prey and play but endlessly and without subjection. And marvel not with cowards and thieves and perverts.

I leave you charge of your own destiny, the course which you have set- may you stay well.

I am to remain here, the vanguard - having proven my aim is steady and with purpose. Until then, I salute you.

You certainly can't " pay it forward " WHEN . . . . . .

You certainly can't " pay it forward " WHEN the person who gifted you continually demands, through manipulation an acknowledgement of the act in kind.

WALL STREET Recovery

Gone are the days when a person in recovery, who, say might have a strong urge to drink had the opportunity and privilege to call or go to a jail, hospital or other institution to talk to another drunk.

Early A.A.'s would show up in courthouses looking for prospects- someone to WORK with and plead the case to a judge.

What now?

Well, as you know there is nothing of this sort going on because one needs to either have an appointment which is highly unlikely OR go to a jail, hospital or institution on the prescribed day of THEIR meeting to share your story.

NOW, anyone can share their story AND yes that is helpful BUT this is a far cry from the principle upon which the Society of Alcoholics Anonymous was founded, when the NEED was there, to be able to reach out to another drunk at ANY time.

WE have now what I'll call "Wall Sreet" recovery, certain days, certain times AND not until the bell rings!.

Know what else I like about not having cable? Time has a whole new di-mension.

Know what else I like about not having cable? Time has a whole new di-mension.

For instance, I'm not waiting for a commercial to do something OR I'm not waiting for a commercial to tell someone else, " quick, it's a commercial, go do that now."

Plus, tv doesn't play a role in my decision making.

For example, YOU (not me because I don't have cable or satellite tv) have the classic " hour" or the "half hour" syndrome. Your life runs in increments and you didn't even know it. TRUTHFULLY, for you it's always 28 minutes after the hour or 2 minutes til. Most of the time you can't conceive that there exhists other minutes on the clock or from the clock.

If you view the " box " for hours at a time AND unless you have that gismo that allows live tv to be paused you need to wait for a commercial OR at the top of the hour as well as the bottom of the hour to act or re-act. You're conditioned. Even then you only have minutes BUT you may turn the sound up LOUD so you won't miss a thing while you go to the other room. OR if you PAUSE your show with that device, subconciously you still keep YOUR PLACE from the show in your mind? Perhaps, even worst you may PUT OFF doing things because your favorite show is on OR you tell people lies about your availability?

Then, because your life runs in 1/2 hour or hour increments you unwittingly install a commercial here or there during your daily activities. Ever notice that you can't focus on a conversation for say more than 12 or 15 minutes without a break? You've programmed yourself mostly to focus for only so long, your life is like the picture reel starting and stopping? You walk away from a person not knowing really why OR after a few minutes into the conversation you lose interest. You may even tell other people "that person isn't interesting" and start a little DRAMA all by yourself!

It's true, it's true but you wouldn't know it until you did away completely with the programming ( no pun intended).

My life is so much easier without cable or satellite. I don't IGNORE people, places and things to do plus my imagination has returned! I enjoy quiet as well and I can hear myself think. AND I don't feel so uncomfortable with quiet and contentment that I THINK something MUST BE wrong and I no longer
accuse those around me who are ENJOYING quiet with " you're too quiet, somethings wrong!"

Most of all I don't feel RUSHED or PRESSURED if I need to do something outside the home- I just do it because I'm not thinking about what's on tv or how I MUST get back for my favorite show.

Time is free- why waste it, why pay to waste it?

What's your code?

It shouldn't surprize anyone that the founders of A.A. admitted to "codifying" spiritual principles into the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. (Foreward - Page 17,  the book; Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions). Wether this was done intentionally, we may never know AND it's really not that imortant.

What is important from my meditations anyway is that WE shouldn't be surprized because after all, don't we speak in codes? Don't humans approach things from the SIDE rather than the front?

Who of us, especially when we're nervous or under pressure can come right out and ask another person, say, for help? Most times don't we " do a dance "  first?

And we may never be able to tell certain people what it is that's on our mind about them when it concerns a relationship about us? Haven't you found yourself  " hinting " ?

Even still we may not be able to come right out and compliment another individual, here we might intimate our liking.

We clue, we cue, we suggest, we hint, we announce, we indicate, we give tips and we advise- these are but a FEW examples of communication techniques.

The dilemma some of us face is we see or we think we FEEL what 's behind the words or the message of our friends. There's folks who say " what you said and what you meant are two different things."

CAN WE TRUELLY INTERPET THESE THINGS?

I think there's more to this communication " dance " that we humans do. What's your method?

I took back my will

You say " I took back my will. "

Is this the will you gave to God, your Higher Power? Is this your will that you turned over to the care of God as you understand Him?

I ask you friend, when you give something to someone, maybe as a gift, maybe out of kindness, maybe because it is the right thing to do, do you take that back as well? Do you understand what it means to "give" something to someone?

Why then would you give God, who has saved you from your trespasses a gift then take it back? Is this not stealing?

Not only are you a thief who takes back his will from God but you steal from God. If you steal from God these things you give Him then you would steal from me, no?

That is all I have to say.

tat2guru

Taking Step 6 with Step 3

When you made a decision to turn your will and your life over to a Higher Power (Step 3) you also AT THAT TIME were entirely ready to have God remove your defects of character (Step 6). Think about it.

tat2guru